The Good Things of Motherhood

Mommas! Oh this post. I can already tell it's going to be a disaster. Such an internal dilemma I'm having. But here we are and I'm writing and posting it. Free speech! I'm American. I can say what I want.

But she's not even a mom yet. She doesn't know.

I know.

I've wanted to be a mom my entire life. Blame my religion, society, my own mother, but that was my ultimate goal. Babies. And lots of them.

Well, not too long ago, I got married. Yay! First step. Check. (And lest you think I married Bryson just for his ability to make me a mother, I assure you that that was not the case. Just an added bonus.) But I think we'd been home from our honeymoon about 3 hours before I brought up kids. Maybe it was 3 hours after we got married? I forget. Take a guess on how he responded to that. You mean you don't want to become a husband and a future father all in one day?!?!?! He didn't. He's weird. I know. But whatever.

So alas, I had to suffer through church surrounded by all these adorable children. (First time being in a family ward in 3 ish years.) I was like a kid in a candy store; constantly pointing out cute kids to Bryson who would just roll his eyes and try to focus on the speaker. I quickly discovered that I should silently admire. And this is where I began mom watching.

I saw these women with their diaper bags and three kids and was completely in awe. They had the life! I wanted a diaper bag! I wanted those cute little blankets to keep me warm during Sacrament meeting! I wanted to cuddle a baby for an entire hour! Man, they had the life.

And then we went to Sunday School. We sat in front of this cute mom with an adorable baby girl on her lap. Another woman commented on how beautiful her baby was. She responded, "Yeah, well, we wanted a boy but this is what we got." This is what we got? 

I wonder if the woman who complimented her was a mother. I wonder if she, like me, wanted to be a mother at that moment more than anything in the world. I wonder if she suffered from infertility and was told she would never be a mother in this life.

Then I went to Relief Society and I quickly learned that this was a place to vent about your kids. I left church feeling very sad and confused.

I thought it must be a fluke.

Another day, I was talking to a mom in my neighborhood about kids. She had waited several years before having kids and said it was the best thing they could have done. She encouraged me to do the same. "Just make sure you're really ready before you start having them."

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I started noticing Facebook posts of young moms. Maybe they were trying to be funny. Maybe they were looking for likes. Maybe they were looking for sympathy. I don't know the motives. But I read things that made me feel embarrassed and sad for their young kids. Some of these moms I am very close to and admire in so many ways.

I began to think I was missing something. This motherhood thing must really be terrible. It must be a lot harder than I think. It must not be fulfilling and rewarding.

Well, in the midst of feeling terrible about all of this, the daughter of my Beehive advisor (yes, from 10 years ago) busted her leg and had to have surgery, rods, wheelchair, the whole thing. She posted updates throughout this hard time but they were very different from the trends I'd been seeing lately. Whether the daughter was progressing or not, she always put the situation in a positive light. It was an adventure and they were going to make the best of it! Heck, once she posted about how happy she was they made size 5 diapers to fit her little girl who had probably been potty trained for several years. Who are these people?!

Disclaimer: I am not this kind of person. I want to be. I wish I could've been the person who through those first few months of pregnancy had the attitude of, "Yeah, I threw up 5 times today before breakfast. At least it wasn't 6!" But I don't think this trait comes naturally to any of us. If it does come naturally to you, what kind of water are you drinking?! I need some.

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Anyway, yes! It's hard! But it's good. It's so so good.

So all you moms out there. Can we all work on this together? Can we please stop focusing on the negative and enjoy the positive aspects of motherhood? Can we get to the end of the day and think on the two (or hopefully 10) good things that our kid did today and forget the bad? Can we encourage the new moms and the expecting moms and the want-to-be moms? Because holy cow we can find all the negative things to expect when we are expecting from Google on our own.

can't find a source on this. if you know it, let me know!

Tell us about how you felt the first time your kid said "I love you" or how they snuggle in your neck when they're tired. Tell us about their favorite bedtime stories and the pride on their faces when they learn how to do a somersault. Tell us about the excitement of the first day of school or the discovery of a ladybug.

Those are the things I want to hear. And I think those are the things you want to remember.