Emery Quinn

So I thought it would be a piece of cake to write this, but alas, three things are making it particularly difficult:
1. The day was PERFECT and I am not that great of a writer to convey how perfect it was.
2. Bryson made this PERFECT video that pretty much sums up the day.
3. I'm holding a sleeping PERFECT baby as I type this one-handed.

There is just too much perfection in my life right now.

I'll do my best.

Emery’s birth story actually begins weeks before she arrived. We all know how much I loved (hated, really truly hated) being pregnant. Well, it somehow got even worse those last few weeks. I was diagnosed with a mild form of cholestasis. Which is a liver disease that makes you itch really bad and poses some risk for the baby. It was hell. Let’s not dwell on it.

Anyway, because cholestasis makes you high risk, I was scheduled to be induced at 39 weeks, if she didn’t come before then on her own. Each day leading up to the 30th dragged on. I became this itchy pregnant robot, consumed by thoughts of her coming. But I am living proof that sheer willpower will not make something happen. On the night of the 26th (a Saturday), I remembered I had posted this picture on instagram.

from elder wirthlin's oct 2006 GC talk

The 27th would be her birthday. I just knew it. I burst into tears. My Sunday was coming. It was just hours away. I would have my baby. 

But she didn't come on Sunday, or Monday, or Tuesday. I'd been having regular contractions for a week, but no baby. All that stuff on the internet saying that early labor can last up to several hours was lying. It's DAYS. And then I got the call from the hospital that I never thought I would get: I would be induced the next morning at 7 a.m.

Deep breath. It was all coming to an end. A peace finally settled over me. She really was coming when she was supposed to. 

I woke up early on Wednesday, sort of in shock that this was really happening. Today was the day I would become a mother! We loaded up the car, made a pit stop to Sonic, and got to the hospital by 7:05.

Everything was so calm. No rushing to the hospital, no pain, nothing. It was all so different from what I had expected. We just walked in there like, "Oh, this is a hospital? I thought it was our hotel for the next couple of days?" It was too easy. My labor and delivery nurse hooked me up to all the monitors and said she hoped she would get to meet my baby before her shift ended at 6. I wasn’t very optimistic--my mom was in labor with me for 36 hours and pushed for 2 more. I knew I would probably have a similar experience. My cake walk had to come to an end, right? 

I was already dilated to a 3 when Pitocin was started at 8. (I guess that week of contractions wasn't all for nothing!) Forty minutes later I got the epidural, mostly because I knew I was going to get it anyway. And I was going to be here for a very long time so a nap at some point would be nice. 

I had had one contraction that I didn’t really like. One! 

The epidural had narcotics and made me feel pretty out of it so a lot of the morning was a blur. I know the dr. came in at one point and broke my water and I got the lovely catheter, but that's about it. I had brought In Style, Vogue, a card game, and a whole season of Gilmore Girls but I just sat there. (Obviously I was prepared for the long haul. You can't argue with genetics, right? I was going to be laboring all day, right?) I was put on my right side and the nurse said she’d be back in an hour to check my progress. Maybe now I would take a nap?

At 10:20 my nurse came back (it hadn't been an hour) and said that the baby's heart rate was dropping with each contraction which either meant that I was progressing really fast or she had the cord wrapped around her somehow. (But not to worry, it's not a big deal!) I figured it was the latter but she checked me, looked mildly surprised and said "You're at a 7 and almost completely effaced. If you keep progressing this fast you'll have a baby by 2." What?! This was hours before I expected. So I was flipped to my left side to see if her heart rate would do better (it did) and I texted my mom that this baby was coming soon!

texting one handed. cuz i'm a wimp and felt like my arm was falling off

My mom showed up pretty quick after that. Within another hour, the nurse was back to check me again and everyone's jaw dropped to the floor when she said I was at a 10 and ready to go.  She said baby's head was still pretty high up there so she would call the doctor and ask if I should start pushing now or if we should wait an hour for her to move down on her own. I told the nurse I would like wait if the doctor thought that would be okay. He did. So I was put in "rest and descend" mode while Bryson's parents rushed to the hospital. My pitocin dose was turned down as my body had taken over and the baby warmer was turned on. The next hour flew by. 

My nurse came back with all the lovely birth stuff, our parents left and I was put in the stirrups. She called my doctor and the nursery nurses (when they broke my water they noticed baby girl had pooped so they wanted them in there just in case) and told them I was going to start pushing. The nurse warned me that with first babies this part can take anywhere from 1-3 hours. Yep, I was ready for that...but wait! I had never done this before and I was numb down there! How do you push a baby out exactly? I mean, I'd heard it compared to pushing a piano through a straw. Also, I felt like I could really use a nap (again, the narcotics!)

My angel labor and delivery nurse was at my left leg, my angel husband at my right. A contraction started and I tried to follow instructions as best as I could. Pushing a baby out is probably one of the least attractive things a woman will ever do in her life, but I wish I could've bottled those (spoiler alert!) 20 minutes up and relive them a hundred times. I didn't feel the narcotics. I was completely there, but also totally inside my head, my body. Here was the moment I had waited for my entire life. Here was the moment I prayed for and begged for and cried for for those 9 miserable months. I was becoming a mother. I was becoming ME. 

"She has hair!" said my nurse. And Bryson braved a look and confirmed that our baby did, in fact, have a lot of hair. Well I wanted to meet this baby who had a lot of hair. And I pushed with everything I had. I released those 9 months. The doctor was called, and 10 minutes later I was told to stop pushing because there was another human on this earth at 1:10 p.m. My baby girl. My little Emery Quinn.

You know that moment in life that we all secretly (or not so secretly) wait for; the moment where you feel like I have arrived? The moment where Harry kills Voldemort or Lorelei and Luke finally get together or Rapunzel brings Flynn back to life with her magical tears? That was my moment, ironically, in her arrival. Here I was. The real me. The best me. I do not believe there is anything else I could do in this life that would equal the pride I felt in that moment.

cell phone pics

I immediately burst into tears and my doctor put her on my tummy for just a minute before being whisked over to the nurses who had to do some serious suction stuff on her. She had swallowed a fair amount of meconium. Yummy. Everyone was talking and the doctor was stitching me up but I only had eyes and ears for our little Emery. After what felt like forever, they weighed and measured her. 6 pounds 14 ounces and 19 inches. 

Then I got to really hold her. There aren't words that can describe how much love I felt in that moment. Love for Emery and love for Bryson. The medical team wanted to take her down to the nursery right away but I really wanted Bryson to hold her before they took her down. He held her for about 30 seconds.This is the only thing about the day that I wish had gone a little bit differently. I wish we had had more time for that moment. I had been carrying this baby for 9 months and he finally got his turn to hold her. He finally got to be a dad. That was one of the images that helped me get through the hardest days--Bryson holding our little girl for the first time. But she needed to have the doctor look at her so they whisked her away. Bryson went with Emery and my mom stayed with me. 

best dad ever. i mean, he's wearing a Hogwarts shirt

I don't remember a lot after that (those narcotics hit me again with a vengeance!) but they took all the cords out of me and I started to feel more like myself, but exhausted. Even the easiest of deliveries is an emotional and physical roller coaster. I was so glad my mom was there with me because I wanted Bryson to be with Emery. He gave me updates (all positive) and told me she had my eyes. My eyes!

i wish i had a picture of my mom's face the first time she saw Emery. priceless.

It was about an hour later that they were able to take me down to the recovery room with a quick stop to the nursery to check on Emery. I was so excited! I had already forgotten what she looked like. I was wheeled over to her side and I can't remember what I said but she smiled at the sound of my voice and turned her head towards me. I reached to her tiny hand and she wrapped her perfect little fingers around mine. Emery knew her momma!  

I think it was another hour before I got my baby back for good. She was clean and all that hair was spiked with two yellow bows. I was finally able to get a really good look at what I had done.

the hair! the eyes! the nose! those lips!

That night, during a feeding it really hit me. My Sunday had come. On a Wednesday, but it came. My flawless little baby was here. I hated pretty much everything about being pregnant, but her birth was perfect and, dare I say, easy? I would give birth a thousand times over being pregnant again, but Bryson was right, like he always is. He told me over and over that the hard days would make her coming even better, that those nine months would help me love her so much more when she came. They did. But even more than that, I believe her spirit helped my spirit when my body was struggling to create her body. And Bryson held us all together. The three of us somehow made it through.

family of three!

In case you haven't seen it yet, Bryson made {this video}. And can I just say, this guy is my hero. The moms always get all the credit when it comes to pregnancy and birth, but I truly could not have done this without him. (A couple of business trips confirmed this). He encouraged me every day. He helped me stay positive. He brought home dinner when I felt too sick to cook. He gave me blessings. He constantly told me how awesome I was doing her whole birthday. And he works full time and goes to school full time so that I can stay home with our little girl. I don't know how I got so lucky to have him for a husband and as Emery's father.

It's been 3 weeks. We couldn't be more in love with our little girl.

this is my heaven