Remember how I used to do these? We left off with me not making the dance major...again. (Also, in case you missed it...Part 4, Part 3, Part 2, Part 1) Well, after feeling so calm and comforted that I had done everything I could do, I began to doubt. And I had a question:
Now what?!
I talked to the department head. We went over my audition and what the judges had said and basically I had had to reach a certain score and was just below that. I asked what I could work on and she gave me some vague answer. I asked what I could do from here. "Well, you can petition to try out next year. You just need a letter from a teacher giving approval and Rebecca already came and talked to me so you'll have no problems with that." I thanked her for her time and left. Wait, so why didn't I make it? I wasn't given a straight answer. I was already over halfway through the required classes for a dance major and it was starting to get difficult to register for classes because I wasn't an "official" major yet. They'd said no to me twice already, did I want to risk it a third time? I had planned on graduating the semester after tryouts! Was I really so horrible that they couldn't handle having me in the major for another year?! (These are the thoughts that kept me up at night).
Well, I thought long and hard and decided to keep dancing. It wasn't until February that I felt like I was in the wrong place and needed to get out. I looked into other schools. I looked into other majors. Nothing felt right. Nothing felt like what I wanted to do. I wanted to graduate in dance from BYU.
And then it was my roommate's birthday and all she wanted for it was a back massage. Well, I had had a lot of massages and I thought I had a good idea of what felt good and how to do it. She had a massage table from doing eyelash extensions so, what the heck, let's see how good I am. Looking back, I know I was terrible. I know I did the strokes the wrong way and I knew nothing about using body weight. Regardless, she said "You're really good at that. You should go to massage school."
So I went in my room and looked up massage schools. I found a couple and called about tours. First one was a total joke and it's good I had another appointment or I probably would have just dropped the whole idea. I talked with the admissions lady at UCMT and signed up immediately. School started in 2 weeks and I felt excited about my impulsive decision. I was still at BYU full time so I signed up for night school. I would graduate in a year.
My first day I was nervous and excited. I was surrounded by students who were very different from the BYU crowd. The teachers were eccentric and swore. I was completely out of my comfort zone. But these people loved bodies. And they didn't look at them by height or weight or flexibility or strength. They looked at how a shortening in the lower back muscles had caused a lengthening in the abdominal muscles. They looked to see if shoulders were even, and if not, does she carry her purse on her left shoulder? It was scientific, not subjective, and I loved it.
I learned how my body works. I gained a whole new appreciation for being able to bend my finger or feel my heart beat. I caught a glimpse of how complex each system is. I learned to look at my body in terms of function and health, rather than aesthetic.
At UCMT I met my best friend, Tiffany, who also happened to introduce me to my husband. After wondering for months (years) why I hadn't made the major, I realized that if I had made it, I wouldn't have met two of the most important people in my life. I feel like I got the better end of the deal. (I don't feel like this is the only reason why I didn't make the major, or why I was supposed to go to massage school, just the best reason).
A few months in, I dropped out of BYU and switched to massage school full time. Dance was a wonderful and fulfilling part of my life. I learned so much at BYU. But it was a phase. I was never meant to do it professionally, or even for my whole life. Which brings us to Part 6.
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